Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
