just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize