On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
