First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
