More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
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