You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
