Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
