i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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