I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
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