idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize