sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
