remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
