Buhtt sex?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
