I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
