I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
