I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My butt remains clenched, sir.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
