The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
