i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
