Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
