Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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