My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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