I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
