I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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