Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
