i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
