Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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