he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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