The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
