I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
