Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
