You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
