Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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