R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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