Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
