It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
