I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
