beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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