Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
