I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
