I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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