I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
