I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
