smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
