I heard we made out
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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