we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
