Where did you get a picture of my penis
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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