found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Randomize
