i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize