drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
