wanna go halves on a baby?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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