So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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