: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
