No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
