Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
