I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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