I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
