Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize