How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
