I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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