we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
