Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
