shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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