ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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