I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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