My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
