Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
