and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
