why didn't you poke me back
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I did not marry a roomba.
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