His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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