I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
