Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
