Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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