Kareoke will never be a sober sport
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
