Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
